My husband hates his birthday. Okay, hates is a strong word, but let’s just say that he’s not into presents and making a big fuss. In fact, that’s his entire personality. We once had a big discussion about what “LATE” means. I think it means being about 15 minutes behind schedule. He thinks it’s coming in right when the event is supposed to start. I asked him why he hates being late – and he says that it calls attention to his arrival, that people FUSS over him. He’d rather be there and sort of soak into the walls, emerging when he felt comfortable. (I, however, am into the fuss, not like that’s a giant surprise…) (Okay, so I DO agree that it’s rather inconsiderate to be late, so I put my fullest efforts into being on time – even setting my clocks ahead. Although one would argue that it doesn’t help the late problem because it isn’t the inability to read clocks…)
The thing is, I LIKE a Fuss. I like it when I can be fussed over, and when I can fuss over others. It’s fun for me to lavish on people attention. It’s fun to fuss over the people I love.
So it was hubby’s 40th birthday last week. I’m thinking Big Deal. He’s thinking, please go away. Not that he was apprehensive about the big 4-0, but again, anything to avoid the FUSS. And turning 40 is one of those inherent “let’s fuss” events.
So, me, the FUSSER, put on my thinking cap and pondered what I could give him for his birthday that would be for HIM. And it hit me.
No fuss.
I could completely not dramatize his birthday. I could keep a small affair. I could surrender my need to FUSS, and make it totally about him.
*sigh*
So, instead of the fuss, I took him to the movie theater, let him pick the movie. I took him to the mall, gave him money, let him pick his present. I handed him a list of local restaurants, let him pick the restaurant. We went to an Indian place that had amazing food. I did not make a fuss. I gave him a completely boring, non-fuss day.
He loved it. Said it was his best birthday ever.
And I guess, in the end, that’s what counts.
Happy Birthday, Honey!
(Susan May Warren spent the summer collecting “Ask and Author Anything!” questions, about life, writing and anything (within reason) her readers asked. Stop back every week this winter to read the answers to those questions!)
Are you a writer? Get your daily dose of writing craft! www.mybooktherapy.com!